I decided to read the Great Divorce this week. It is a very fast passed and short book and after reading it, I have to recommend anyone who hasn't and sees this should go and do so!
Chapter 9 (where the author meets George MacDonald) really challenged my ideas on both forgiveness in a very positive manner. In the words of the MacDonald's Spirit Lewis writes,
"The good man's past begins to change so that his forgiven sins and remembered sorrows take on the quality of Heaven: the bad man's past already conforms to his badness and is filled only with dreariness. And that is why, at the end of all things, when the sun rises here and the twilight turns to blackness down there, the Blessed will say 'We have never lived anywhere except in Heaven,' and the Lost, 'We were always in Hell.' And both will speak truly."
To be forgiven, is beyond Time! How motivating that is to ponder and then go live! I know when I continue thinking on my past bad deeds, even ones I feel like I have been forgiven for. I still think of them as times I have fallen short. So in regards to what Lewis is writing, I don't think I have truly forgiven myself and moved past them. And they attack me every time they come to mind. How terrible it is, and how strange it feels to realize this now - I have not forgiven myself for some of my sins I have committed, even though I thought I had. For if I had, I wouldn't feel as if I have fallen short still. I'd feel re-shaped and boast in what was my weakness. I see the vision, and I knew now the direction I wish to choose. Not to "forgive and move on" but to "forgive and live in the Goodness of Forgiveness." Ahh!!! How motivating it is!! I feel stronger already!
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